It Broke Our Hearts. We Never Skipped a Beat!

It Broke Our Hearts. We Never Skipped a Beat!

- SUSAN (DIEPPE, NB)
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It was Friday afternoon; the sun was shining just as bright as it could. My husband was working, and I was anticipating (with excitement) a visit from a close friend. She was coming to spend the afternoon with me and our two kids, who were ages two and four at the time. I couldn’t wait to show Vicky (my friend) a picture of this beautiful, blue-eyed, eighteen-month-old boy, better known as “Boom Boom”. 

​I knew she would be overjoyed for my family, especially knowing that I was about to fulfill one of my biggest dreams, which was to adopt. I finally had the opportunity to pay it forward and do for another child what was done for me when I was a little girl. I was on top of the world! We were nearing our last visit with Boom Boom, the one where he would be making the journey to his new home, and our family would be complete. 

The instant she looked at the picture she said, “Oh, Oh, I mean… he really is beautiful, but you may want to proceed with care. It looks to me like he may have FASD”. 

My first reaction was “What?!?”, then “What the heck is FASD?” and especially, “Why should we proceed with care?” I mean, seriously, staring back at me from this picture were the biggest blue eyes I had ever seen, and from the first moment we saw Boom Boom (on video), we felt a true connection like he had always been part of our family. He, like me when I was a little girl, was just a child, worthy of love. And like me, he also needed a family of his own and someone who would forever have his best interest at heart. “Doesn’t everyone deserve that?” I thought.
 
As any good friend would do, Vicky advised us to research FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder) before moving forward with the adoption. She even recommended that we take it one step further and speak to someone at Addiction Services. I appreciated her honesty. And no matter our decision, she would be there for support.
 
This was 2004, and there wasn’t a whole lot about FASD online. We received more information after speaking to the nurse at Addiction Services. Although certain there would be many challenges ahead, she was a great encouragement to us. I guess this Nurse had a big heart, as she felt the same way we did in that Boom Boom deserved a decent chance at a good life, too. 
 
We learned that FASD was caused by alcohol consumption during pregnancy. Depending on the amount of alcohol consumed at a specific point of the pregnancy (or during the full 9 months), harm to the fetus’ brain can be significant. In the midst of this research, it became clear that our baby – our Boom Boom, may have considerable damage to his brain. 
 
It broke our hearts, but we never skipped a beat!


 
Of course, questions came up, like “How can this happen?” and “What would we do if I was the biological mother about to give birth?”, “What will life be like for him and for our family?”. Although these are all typically “Normal” questions (and there were many others), we knew the answer from the beginning. This was meant to be. No matter what types of challenges we may face in the future, we were moving forward. Boom Boom was already part of our family, even if he hadn’t stepped foot in our home yet. We had carried him in our hearts for a very long time, years before we met him. We had “The Nothing Will Stop Us” attitude. The day came when we packed our bags, loaded our two kids in the car, and onward we went on a trip to bring our son (and brother) home. 

In the beginning, the transition was quite seamless, much to our surprise. As months passed, we noticed several irregular developments, and in seeking help, we discovered what we had hoped was not the case. Approximately one year and a half later, our son was diagnosed with FASD, and the journey began.
 
Although adoption had always been at the forefront of our minds and our hearts, we were counselled to remain as a foster care family. This advice came from a reliable source who had seen similar cases cross his desk. He wanted to ensure that we had access to all the resources available in order to care for our son in the future. At the time, my heart ached. All I wanted was to sign those papers so he would be 100% ours. However, after a long, deep discussion, my husband and I agreed. Signing those papers would not make him any less our son. Besides, we really didn’t know what challenges we were going to experience or what kind of help/care he would need. Our decision was clear.
 
It was about 12 years into the FASD journey, when we really understood the magnitude of the advice we were given. Being a “Foster Care Family” was the right thing to do for Boom Boom. That said, it is my sincere hope as we continue to evolve with FASD awareness, education and interventions, that no matter what the family status, these services and supports will be available to everyone who lives day in, and day out, with FASD. 
 
It has been, and continues to be, an uncertain path filled with ups and downs, facing new difficulties at every corner. In the end, we wouldn’t change anything, as with every challenge comes a win. Boom Boom completes us. He teaches us to be more patient and to view the world, as well as others, with a clearer set of lenses. 



Victories in our household are a daily occurrence, and now at 16 years old, Boom Boom is growing up in his own way, within his own timeline. He is our rock; our champion, and we will forever be grateful that he chose us, too.